


Broken

by violettestars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 05:06:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1066107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violettestars/pseuds/violettestars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based on how Dean's coping a week after Swan Song and decides to write a letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

Sammy,

  
It's been a week now since you jumped into the cage with Adam. I know you're not gonna be able to read this but....I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. Every morning I wake up hoping it was all a bad dream but then I realize I'm on Lisa's couch and I know it's just wishful thinking. I don't know why but I keep forcing myself to go on. I get up, I eat, shave, shower and get dressed. I don't know why I bother. We saved the world again. Not like any of it mattered. Remind me, what was the point, uh? No one even knows that we did and now you're gone. Hell our whole family's gone. I wish I was gone too but I try not to let Lisa and Ben see it. I put on a fake smile even while I'm making my way through a fifth of whiskey. Then I start thinking why am I here? Sure, I can tell myself it's because I promised you I would come here if something went sideways. That's partly true and yeah, when I pictured myself happy it was with her but really we only had a weekend together eons ago. But, I'm here, burdening her with my problems and putting her and the kid in danger because you told me to get out of the life.

  
Then I start thinking. Why would this woman allow me to stay here in this house with her and her kid? She doesn't really know me. She only knows what I do because I saved her son once. So, maybe this is her way of paying off a debt she thinks she owes me. Even that seems a bit thin to me. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. She lied to me three years ago. Ben's mine but that can't be. Well, okay it can, the timing is right and all that. Still, it doesn't make sense to me why she would lie to my face like that. I'm reaching here. I just lost you, Sammy. I lost the last member of my family and I'm just grasping at straws. If Ben was mine then I wouldn't be here alone anymore. I'd have something to anchor me here and force me to go on.

The ugly truth is, I don't wanna be here anymore, Sammy. Not just here in Lisa's house but HERE. The one thing that would keep moving me forward, is what I promised you I wouldn't do. It's the only thing I want to do, go out there and kill something, get some revenge. I won't though because I swore to you that I wouldn't. I never broke a promise to you little brother and I'm not gonna start now.

  
I know you meant well Sammy. Hell, you always meant well even when you were downing demon blood but this is gonna end up bad too. You and I both know the only way outta this life ends bloody. You never get out man, look at mom. She tried to get out and she ended up dead. One day your luck runs out and some evil son of a bitch follows you home. It's just the way it is. I'm here though, trying to live the apple pie life you wanted so bad. I failed you again. I was supposed to always protect you and keep you safe. I'm sorry I fucked it all up. I'm gonna try my best to live the life you wanted for me.

  
I miss you Sammy.  
Dean


End file.
